Monday, September 29, 2014

Adventures in Breastfeeding #8: When The Well Runs Dry

Baby Girl is fast asleep after a nursing session.
At eight months old, I can proudly say that my little one is still breastfeeding. She also takes a bottle at daycare, with one formula supplement bottle, while I'm at work. But that is slowly changing. My stress levels are higher, and her nursing demands are lower. Despite best efforts, and her ability to draw forth an incredible amount of milk from me at night, I can see the end coming soon.

I don't want it to end. I know that I wasn't going to breastfeed after she turned 1; I'm only protected by law for pump breaks until the child is a year old, and assisted living homes are so on demand and hands-on that I only get 15 minutes as it is. There are days when I have to choke back tears because, despite my teas and water chugging, I can only bring out 4 ounces total. The challenge is real, my friends.

I'm satisfied, slightly, by the fact that she eats three meals a day. Fruits and veggies, with some baby yogurt to help with the protein, on top of what I am able to give her through nursing. But I still feel like I am letting her down, because my supply is just not there.

For the past few nights, we've done our cuddle/nursing sessions, this time with their ending on a sour note. She always pulls away and cries, then roots around for the other breast. I know that two breast feedings are a good thing. To me, they feel like I'm not making enough.

When the well starts running dry, and stress runs high, things can get rough. I try to freeze what I can, so that when I'm not able to make anymore milk, I'll still have some for her. I will do the best I can, and she'll love me no matter what.

We just might have some issues with trying to latch-on through my shirts, instead of taking a bottle from Mommy.