Adventures in Breastfeeding #9 : Feeding Frenzy!

As we pass the  nine month matkwr,  I've decided that Baby Girl is actually a baby bear, filling up for hibernation. How else do you explain a sudden increase in feeding times, as well as my milk supply? Oh yeah, a growth spurt.

With Baby Girl's teething issues (still no teeth but SUPER sore gums), her latch has changed drastically. My previous post was one that described my frustrations with nipple blisters and bleeding cracks, and these changes have also driven her to latch on like in the pictures below.

Her continued curiosity of how can I stay latched today causes some very interesting nursing sessions. That is, at least until she falls asleep! Any other Mamas ever had a roaming nurser?

My Day Off

I'm a Hot Mess. We've already had this discussion. On my single day off each week, I'm even more ridiculous. And you wanna know why? 'Cause I'm a workin' mama that doesn't give a damn about pleasing anyone but the baby at my boob, and the six year old snuggled next to us. And let me tell you, Dumbo goes a long way.

Photo Credit: Walt Disney Studios

When it's my day off, I treat it like it's the single-most important day by being the laziest slob of a mom. Sort of.

I am more likely to wear my nursing bra than wear pants.

I run my errands in my nursing tank and shoes with no socks, or my Birkenstock slide-on clogs.
Take a nap? More like do school work, play a video game, and do a load of laundry all at once. Dishes? HA! Dishes make a noise that's like an alarm clock for babies. No, thank you.
I blatantly refused to look for the hairbrush.
My husband is afraid to ask 'what's for dinner?', because I might chew his head off.
I go between huge bursts of CLEAN ALL THE THINGS and Oh, god, I just want to sit and crochet in silence.
Nothing really gets done.
After hours are spent doing absolutely nothing but listening to music and playing with Baby Girl (See as: "Doing nothing"), guilt creeps in.
Lunch consists of soup and PB&J sandwiches, pureed veggies for Baby Girl, and my Cherry Limeade tea. Because calories.
Baby Girl takes a 2 hour nap, miraculously!
I moan and gripe about schoolwork between Raid queues in World of Warcraft.
Spaghetti night! Beans helps me serve, and tells us stories at the dinner table, using funny voices.
Baby Girl makes squealy noises; there's a competition on who gets louder.
I win.
Put girls down to bed. Breathe a sigh of relief.
Actually brush & floss teeth; also tweeze eyebrows.
Shower? Maybe. Maybe in the morning.

I go to bed just as tired as when I woke up, but I'm thoroughly satisfied that I spent time with my girls.

Adventures in Breastfeeding #8: When The Well Runs Dry

Baby Girl is fast asleep after a nursing session.

At eight months old, I can proudly say that my little one is still breastfeeding. She also takes a bottle at daycare, with one formula supplement bottle, while I'm at work. But that is slowly changing. My stress levels are higher, and her nursing demands are lower. Despite best efforts, and her ability to draw forth an incredible amount of milk from me at night, I can see the end coming soon.

I don't want it to end. I know that I wasn't going to breastfeed after she turned 1; I'm only protected by law for pump breaks until the child is a year old, and assisted living homes are so on demand and hands-on that I only get 15 minutes as it is. There are days when I have to choke back tears because, despite my teas and water chugging, I can only bring out 4 ounces total. The challenge is real, my friends.

I'm satisfied, slightly, by the fact that she eats three meals a day. Fruits and veggies, with some baby yogurt to help with the protein, on top of what I am able to give her through nursing. But I still feel like I am letting her down, because my supply is just not there.

For the past few nights, we've done our cuddle/nursing sessions, this time with their ending on a sour note. She always pulls away and cries, then roots around for the other breast. I know that two breast feedings are a good thing. To me, they feel like I'm not making enough.

When the well starts running dry, and stress runs high, things can get rough. I try to freeze what I can, so that when I'm not able to make anymore milk, I'll still have some for her. I will do the best I can, and she'll love me no matter what.


We just might have some issues with trying to latch-on through my shirts, instead of taking a bottle from Mommy.

Pinterest = Panic Attacks?

Hi, my name is Em.
I am addicted to Pinterest.

Facebook may come and go, but give me an electronic way to be a hoarder, and I'm all for it. I mean, where else could I keep all these awesome things I want to do, where they would be safe from children?
When I was first introduced to Pinterest, it was before Baby Girl got here. I hadn't even thought of being pregnant, actually. It was just an app that a friend suggested I download to 'keep my ideas in order' as they came to me, because while you're desperate to keep awake on third shift bed watch, you're willing to do anything.
So, I started off simple: Things I want in my closet, things about gardening, things about homesteading, and cute things for Beans.

After I became full-on pregnant, my board themes changed from gardening and homesteading (which are still a deep seeded desire) to healthy pregnancy tips and losing the baby weight. I'd like to think that Pinterest helped me with my desperate need to nest, and the overwhelming fact that I had been out of a job for two months before my due date arrived.

Now, I'm on Pinterest when it's 6:30 at night, and Baby Girl is nursing herself to sleep while we cuddle in my bed. Delilah is already in her PJs, and watching her shows/playing her video game until the area wide curfew alarm sounds at 8:30 p.m. (Otherwise, she doesn't have any say in what's on T.V., and I usually make her play with Baby Girl or outside)
I scroll through my 'Pin Feed', and feel odd pangs at certain images of what mommy and baby/kid are doing. 'Great ideas for things to do when the weather sucks and your kids are driving you nuts'. AWESOME! I'll keep that for the one day a week I have off of work, and there's four feet of snow outside.
Or, I'll do what I always do, and run errands until I'm exhausted, and keep appointments until dinner time.

The other day, I ran across an article about why Pinterest is awful if you're a mommy. I was intrigued, because pinning was my way of relaxing. It was my escape! I could read articles, look at pretty clothes, and oogle pictures of far off destinations that I will never reach, and I could do it all silently, as to not disturb anyone. But then I read the article, and those weird pangs came back.

"Pinterest has one simple message for mothers: You’re not doing nearly as much as you should. It snuck into our lives masquerading as a useful resource. It hypnotized us with images of brownies baked on top of Reeses cups and then blindsided us with a list of crafts we will never complete. We need to destroy it. With fire."

I may scramble for my Pinterest to get ideas about what to do with my kids, or fix for dinner, or organize my budget...

Ah, crap. It's still convincing me it's useful, and all some of the articles do is make me feel like a piss poor parent; there's always some DIY project or cute outfit that I could get my hands on if I just had the time to learn to sew!

That gal's right. Let's kill it. With fire.
In fact, I think I'll pin the article for my followers.

#addictiontwitch
#PINNER4LYFE
#almostDIYmommy
#DON'TSTOPBELIEVIN'!

Keyboard Confessional: I Don't Want To Be Wonder Woman

Lately, I've been busy. Like,  near-exhaustion, no time to eat, what is a shower,  busy. Then again,  September is usually my busiest month. School starts for Beans, work usually picks up for me,  and things just generally seem to pile up quickly, until October, when we've had time to readjust our schedules.
This time is no different,  with a tiny exception. Make that a 17 lbs, 26 inch long exception. Baby Girl doesn't necessarily throw a wrench into my plans and habits,  but it's more like things pile up faster. Let me lay it out,  for better understanding.

My job is physically demanding, and high stress,  but gratifying.  I love what I do, truly. It's very difficult to decompress after hours,  especially when you only have the 20 minute drive home as 'alone' time. I try and sing along with the radio, or call my brothers (yay bluetooth!) and talk to them. But it doesn't feel like it's enough; as soon as I hit the bridge that goes into town, my focus is on the clock. Will I have time to swing by The Cave and give hubby a smooch? Am I going to find a parking space in front of the school so Beans will see me, and not go back inside and wander the school hallways? Can I hit the baby-sitter's in time to not get charged another hour? (She's pretty lenient on this anyway, but I still worry) OH MY GOD I HAVE SCHOOL WORK DUE TONIGHT BECAUSE IT'S WEDNESDAY/FRIDAY/SATURDAY AND THE GIRLS WON'T BE IN BED TIL 7 AND I HAVE TO BE IN BED BY 9 WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! #studentmommypanic

And I forgot to set out my dinner to thaw/The crock pot wasn't even plugged in. Guess it's spaghetti night again.

Crap.

It's come to my attention that most of us Working Mamas, whether it's from home or away, put too much on our plates. And it's not like we don't -try- to delegate! On the days my husband watches the girls, absolutely nothing gets done around the house. Nothing. And he says it's because he was so preoccupied with them that he couldn't do anything else. And nap time? That was his reward for giving them all his attention, so he played video games during downtime. I can get mad,  but that gets me nowhere. 

So, why do we feel like we have to do it all?

Seriously. Will the world fall apart if we just let things go? All I know is I just took about 30 minutes of time away to write this, instead of one more list, or cleaning one more dish, or folding one more pair of underpants. And now I feel better! Not really.

#waytootiredforthiscrap
#Mommyisalwaysmyfavoritejob

#RealMamaTalk: Baby Blues

Hello again to all my Mamas out there! I know I've touched on some things lately that have been borderline soul-bearing, but there's one more thing I want to talk about that...Well, it just doesn't get talked about.

I'm talkin' 'bout those Baby Blues. I'm talking about Post-Partum Depression. I'm talking about what is being called 'Perinatal Mental Health Disorders', or PMADs.
A huge factor in this is Breastfeeding Pressure. This link shares a study on factors for PMADs. I'm seeing a pattern as I dive deeper into this fun world of Breastfeeding Support, and Fearless Feeding Phenomenon: Moms are stressed all to hell. Perfection, the pressure of breastfeeding, and the guilt trips of formula feeding (along with the stigma), and overall lack of sleep makes us Mamas prime targets for our wacky hormones to get even more out of whack.

I'm not talking about this from the other side of the fence, either. It was hard to admit at first, but looking back on things, I realize that I experienced Post-Partum Depression with my first child until she was nearly two years old. One thing stuck with me, when I tried to confide in someone about the hopelessness and the nightmares. They said, "Don't tell anyone! They'll take away your daughter." So I sucked it up, and buried my feelings, and grew even more and more distant from my Beans. I don't think she really noticed; I lived with my mother for most of those two years, and she helped with the comforting parent issues. But when I wasn't with her, I remember things that make me want to smack my past self really hard. Like staring at my baby girl when she fell down for the first time and cried. I didn't know what to do with her; she was too young to understand 'you're ok, keep going'. Then again, it was my first baby, and I had no idea the options that were available to me. No clue. I also felt like a complete failure because my daughter was formula fed, had digestion issues (which supposedly came from my being on an anti-depressant during the first trimester, but nothing could be proven), and I still couldn't see myself as more than just a baby-sitter to her.
After two years, something just clicked with me, and she became my whole world. 

Here I am with my second child, and at seven months old, I've come to see that I've been dancing on that Baby Blues/Post-Partum line.
Was I stressed out and worried that I'd let Bel down because I couldn't breastfeed?
Incredibly.
Did I ever feel like I couldn't touch her, or no one else was allowed to touch her?
Not as much.
Detachment issues weren't something that troubled me this time, but exhaustion and the stress to be perfect is! And you know what? I still talk to my husband, and my friends, and my own Mama. I even talk to my Memaw, now that I'm older, and I realize she's got some of that old reliable, soul-soothing wisdom. (Even if I don't always follow it)

I'd like to raise awareness about how the pressures of things like breastfeeding, child-carrying, shorter maternity leaves because you can't afford to be out of work, unsupportive/misunderstanding partners can drive us Mamas over the edge. It's not fair to put us in the ring with our own minds, and leave us to our personal demise. It's not healthy for the baby, it's not healthy for the family, and it's not healthy for YOU!

Just remember, Mamas. There's always someone to talk to.
Talk to a:
Lactation Consultant (because post-partum stress can affect milk supply!)
OB/GYN or Midwife
Doula
WIC counselor
Pastor or their spouse, if you're close enough
Best Friend
Partner
Family Member you're close to

If you still feel like no one else will listen, start pouring your heart out in a journal, or on a blog. It's better to let it out than keep it bottled up to just eat away at you.
There are people out there who love you, and will listen when you need them to.

Be Strong, Mamas!

BOOK REVIEW! BOOK REVIEW!

Finding the time to read is one of life's simple little pleasures that I truly revel in, should the opportunity arise. And not too long ago, it did! A very sweet member of the Mommy Blogger community had thrown up the option of doing a book review. Well, this Mama definitely wanted to do just that. Without further ado, I give you the very first book review of this blog!

Moms: As Elite as the CIA...Well Almost: Part I written by Andrea Keeney

I want to start off by saying that I absolutely cannot wait to see the next installment of these stories.

Though the characters are fictional, their viewpoint is very real. I feel as if every Mama could identify with the situations, and the 'pick your battles' mentality. I'd say that, if we have survived one of the incidents described (such as a tag-team candy snatch tantrum), then the rest of us Mamas definitely belong in the 'CIA' group. And, let's face it, most of us have.

I think Andrea Keeney has done a fantastic job of putting our lives out there, in a hilarious, poignant, and efficient. I was able to read the first installment between my own kid battles, and could easily pick up where I left off. Any title that can do that deserves five stars in my book! Hats off to you, Andrea!