I find myself writing this during one of my "breaks" at work, where I sit in a tiny locked room, hooked up to my pump. Today, I feel even more like a dairy cow than normal. Moo.
Sometimes, I wonder why I keep doing this. Why not go the more convenient route of formula full time, instead of just at daycare (which she attends all of 8 hours a week)? Why do I keep pulling out my hair in frustration over wet shirts, and waking up on sticky sheets? Why do I continue this charade of lotion and perfume, when I always end up smelling like warm milk?
I'd like to think it's because I couldn't do it more than a couple weeks with Beans.
While the mantra 'Breast Is Best' is always chanted by that voice in the back of my head, there are many feeding sessions that make me wish I'd ignore it.
So, while I'm not ok with enduring the swollen, aching, hot breasts because I haven't emptied myself, I am ok with the idea that it's truly worth it.
It's worth it to come home and cuddle up with my two month old, smiling at her while she works on her latch. I always cheer her on, because for weeks, she had trouble keeping the latch. And when she drifts off to sleep still nuzzling against me, I know it's worth it.
And then I realize I've milked all down three opposite side, and the cycle of irritation starts again.
